Love Live Thrive
The past...
2014 presented me with many challenges that left me mentally, emotionally and physically broken – but I survived. My entire year last year was about surviving, not thriving. My dog of 10 years passed away at the start of the year, followed by my husband and I separating after our 13 year relationship. I moved out of my home; have felt financial pressure totally new to me; lost people I have always considered my family and had to let go of everything that has meant something to me for my entire adult life. The most difficult thing for me has been stress and concern for my children – whom I want to have a happy and fulfilling lives. I posted this on Facebook last year at one of the most difficult times…
The post…
“Last night I sat on my bed after a very long and hard day just trying to get through the basics, and I wept. I wept because it’s overwhelming to push on day in day out and try to be the kind of mum you want to be. I wept because I know I have soooo much support out there, but last night everyone felt so very far away. If anyone had asked me how I was last night I would have told them I was ok, but I was in fact not ok.
Sometimes you don’t want to tell people you’re overwhelmed, upset, sad… you don’t want to explain, you don’t want to hear yourself explain and feel like what you’re saying isn’t even bad. You don’t want to sound pathetic. I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted a hug and for someone to tell me that I am ok and it’s ok to become overwhelmed.”
“I needed someone to tell me I can do this, I can fight tomorrow.”
“Even if I’m not as ‘perfect’ as I aspire to be, even if life feels like it’s totally out of my control… I can and will push through. It’s hard enough as it is with someone there, but it’s infinitely harder when there’s no one there to share in your day or evening.
I decided to post this status, not for sympathy or for everyone to run to me offering support, but because I know so many people have these moments and we all find it difficult to share. It almost feels like a dirty little secret. I find it hard, I find it mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. I’m not a perfect mum by any means, and many days I don’t even try hard.”
“I know I’m not the only one.”
“I hope my words resonate in the minds and hearts of those around me so they know and understand that there’s no shame in breaking down. Removing the shame at least will lessen the burden. It’s ok to feel weak.”
The trials and tribulations did consume me but they did not break me. I found friendships strengthening and became someone not afraid to ask for help. It changed me, absolutely for the better. I knew going into a new year that if I were going to thrive instead of simply survive, I needed to adjust my mindset.
Looking forward
I decided that with the new year I was going to spend more time cherishing and valuing what I have, rather than worrying and fretting about the things in my life that are difficult, stressful and upsetting. To me this would be the difference between me thriving and surviving.
This is where the story comes in. The story I read spoke of a tablespoon of salt in a glass of water verses a tablespoon of salt in a freshwater lake. Pain, suffering, grief, stress can be represented by the salt. In a glass of water it makes the water taste bitter and is no longer refreshing.
If my life is like the volume of water in the glass, the salt taints all the wonderful that exists in the water. In comparison, when the bitter salt is added to a freshwater lake the salt disperses and cannot be tasted when you drink the water. If I see my life as a lake and realise the enormity of the wonderful in my life, the bitter moments won’t matter to the extent they once did. This is the theory, but how do I put it into practice?
Being a mum
I have many things in my life that make it incredible, yet I have always been very good at seeing what’s annoying (I’m sure lots of mums can relate). I have always admired mums that see the value in being a mum because in all honesty I have always felt like there was very little wonderful. Being a single mum and dealing with my own personal challenges made it almost impossible for me to see the things I love most. Instead, these were the things I saw…
‘I’m tired’ – ‘I need a break’ – ‘I just want to pee without someone touching me’ – ‘I really wish they’d stop saying muuuum 50 thousand times a day’ – ‘I’m tired of cooking and my girls not touching a single thing’ – ‘why won’t they listen?’ – ‘I really wish I didn’t have to worry about money’
I regularly had these thoughts. Since I became more aware of how I see my world, each time I feel stressed or worried about something, I remind myself of three things that make me happy, make me laugh or make me proud. This dilutes these minor (yet very legitimate) complaints and I can see my wonderful. I make sure to be proud of what I do and achieve, not just what my girls achieve. No matter how insignificant my battles seem, I’m still a champion.
So consumed with what we don’t do, we often beat ourselves up when we actually have every reason to celebrate what we DO. I know I’m not alone in this so I encourage all of you to join me! Lets make this the year of love, live thrive and expand our lives to the size of a lake <3
Thank you for reading and please feel free to share your own stories!
Michelle
Very wonderfully written. Everyone has days of feeling like you described but you are so right if we all just love, live and thrive a little bit more our lives would start to seem like that lake rather than the cup of water. My dad used to tell me a similar story of filling a cup with things of different sizes to resemble to things that are truly important in life so you can visualise that the grain of sand moments just aren’t that big compared to the important stuff 🙂 but i think its still ok to feel anyway we need to to get through this thing called life, our past makes us stronger for our future 🙂